Drive Excellently

an excerpt from

Automobilia: Modern Women in the Automotive Stratosphere

by Heather McGee

Editor's Note: Automobilia:M.W.A.S. is an excellent collection of racing and driving lore about and for women. While the excerpt here is directed to you and your street car, much of the book is focused on racing. I'd like to think you'd want a copy in your glove box.

It's an Automotive Stratosphere Commandment. The most important skills, once you acquire the perfect ride, are your driving skills. Above all else, they will get you there in one piece.

Do not apply makeup, talk on the phone, eat burgers, write notes to yourself, surf the Internet, search for CDs, or do any of the other unbelievably stupid things people do while driving. You should be paying the road and drivers around you 100% percent attention at all times, as you want in return. Know your safety zone and keep it, especially if your specialty car has drum brakes and the weather is wet. Do not be intimidated by jerks, but at the same time know when to back off if they're road-raging and seem to be headed for trouble. It's not worth trying to teach them a lesson. And in some places it could get you shot.

You will earn your place among the gearheads if you can control your ride as well as you maintain and repair it. Be brave but cautious. Follow the traffic rules because they're there so no one gets killed, despite the fact they might seem ridiculous at the time. Go out somewhere deserted and see what you can do with your car; there are many more driving skills to acquire than the minimum needed to get a license. Feel what high speed is to control. Know how to back up and maneuver your car well. Practice hard braking; see if you can control a fishtail (when your back end is having its own party). Know the boundaries of your car intimately.

Know how to take a proper right and left turns (which lanes are rightfully yours?). Don't slow down on the freeway to take your exit ... that's what the off-ramp is for. Conversely, do everything you can to make full speed while getting on the freeway (some would argue this includes driving a properly powered car -- lack of horsepower is no excuse). On cross-over on-ramps or off-ramps, pay attention and make your freeway transitions as smooth as possible. Do not bog down the fast lane; it's impolite, and nothing makes a road-rager more angry. Always use your turn signals (do unto others). Always make sure all your lights are working as a courtesy and for your own safety.

Don't infringe on the safety zones of others unless unavoidable. People nowadays think they can stop on a dime, but many times they're doing the aforementioned no-no's as they follow the car ahead too closely. They become distracted, uncoordinated, and panicky. Don't trust other people over yourself. Always look out for number one and don't assume you'll be seen, heard, or avoided in a pinch. Never drive next to someone or get sandwiched in between cars. You'll have nowhere to go in an emergency. Pay 18-wheelers their due and make sure they can see you and that you can get out of their way.

Say Please and Thank You. Give plenty of notice, if you can, for what you plan to do. A thank you costs nothing, and it'll make the person who's slowed down for you feel good and want to do it again for someone else. Don't be so selfish that you won't let a well-intentioned person in and slow down for them if they've gotten themselves in the wrong lane or couldn't make it over to exit. Never drive in the emergency lane. If you break down, always get to the right if possible. Being stranded in the center of a busy road or freeway can be disastrous.

If you feel safe about it, stop to help those in need, because not everyone will maintain his/her car as well as you will. Need is sometimes determined by age and gender; I help all old women, women stranded in sparsely populated places, and sometimes women with children. Use your intuition and common sense. I personally never stop to help men unless in a well-populated, well-lit area. Don't do anything risky like get out in the middle of a busy intersection to help push a car. That's what tow-trucks and police cars are for.

Never, ever stop for a lone car on a deserted highway. If you see someone, make the signal that you'll call for them, and do it conscientiously at the next available opportunity. But don't stop, even if you see a woman with children. There can be a someone in the car hiding with a gun, waiting for you to stop.

Get off the road as quickly as possible if you're turning or going into a driveway. Keep parking-space search-missions to a minimum ... take a more distant parking space and walk it instead. Nothing fouls up traffic patterns on busy streets faster than people waiting, double-parked or crawling until spaces become available.

Never stop for pedestrians crossing mid-block. In many states there is a legal cross-walk at every four-corner intersection, regardless of whether it's painted. Anyone too lazy to cross where it's safe shouldn't be allowed to foul up traffic; and their safety is in their hands.

If you're clever and assertive, you can even control traffic. If people aren't minding the KEEP CLEAR road signage and block my lefthand or cross-traffic turning, I will anticipate them and inch out, yelling and pointing out my right of way. And I always say thanks, even if they seem put out that they had to let me through. They will sometimes get that look like don't tell me what to do. But it's your right-of-way, and they're not going to respect it otherwise. Most people just don't think; and once you make yourself seen and heard, they remember they're supposed to be stopping clear of the pass-zone.

Use your voice, your horn, and your lights; but more importantly take your rightful place on the road and control it. Many people are nervous and timid in their cars, and they can cause just as many accidents as the jerks. Sometimes guys will hit on me and block my way intentionally, and I'm not afraid to scare them a little -- either popping into neutral for a good loud motor rev, driving against my brakes close to their cars, or outright nudging up against them with a firm command to get while the gettin's good. Well-meaning people who want to ask me questions about my Studebaker in the middle of traffic will drive up next to me and practically run me off the road (did you know the car often turns with the head?). I either speed up or slow down but do not acknowledge them because then we're both in danger.

Despite what anyone else might try to assert, don't try to deceive your way out of a ticket. Take it if you deserve it. This also means know the rules. A ticket for 70 in a 65 is pretty wimpy; so at least deserve your speeding tickets.

Above all, court your fellow Auto Sisters. Talk about cars with them, flash them peace signs in intersections, and foster the automotive community amongst yourselves. In a neighborhood like mine, the opportunities happen to be many, for some reason; you might not be so lucky.

Heather McGee drives a 1963 Studebaker Lark Eight Cruiser custom, badly in need of a paint job, called Protector the War Pony. She likes horses, horsepower, and above all getting dirty. Her friends call her Bad-Weather.

You can purchase Automobilia:M.W.A.S. from Eve's Eye Press.

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